


Missile Toe

by Enigel



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Drunkenness, Episode Tag, Gen, M/M, This is a family not a business
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-21
Updated: 2010-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-13 22:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/142480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enigel/pseuds/Enigel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tag for the Christmas special episode, therefore a bit <strong>spoilery</strong>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missile Toe

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Warriorbot for the beta!
> 
> I see it as "this is a family, not a business" gen, with mistletoe mischief giving it a bit of a slashy tilt.

"Martin, you're the only pilot who can get drunk on mulled wine."

"I'm, I'm not drunk, I'm merely... merry." Martin swayed merrily towards Douglas. "I... may have stumbled upon a bottle of vodka, which Comrade Alyakhin m-may have forgotten on board. _Hic_!"

"You _stole_ the client's vodka."

"No-no-no, but as a responsible captain, I couldn't leave unattended packages on the aircraft. Basic safety procedures, you know. So I had to... attend to it and verify the contents rigourously."

"I see. I don't know whether to rejoice that there may be some hope for you yet, or to quiver in fear at the future deeds of the Dread Pirate Crieff..."

His words of wit, if not wisdom, were lost on Martin, who was already bumbling on to other topics.

"Look, Douglas. Mistletoe!" he said happily, picking up something off the table.

Douglas followed his line of sight - what he assumed to be Martin's line of sight, anyway - and failed to be impressed.

"That's not mistletoe. That's a _drawing_ of something that resembles mistletoe about as much as it resembles fir or celery, with a label that reads 'Missile-toe' and signed ' _Arthur_ '. Not that it didn't bear the marks of his craftsmanship all over it."

"It's still mistletoe, or as close to it as you can get in Hawaii, at - _hic_! - Christmaaaas, it's Christmaaas, it's the most wonderful time of the yeaaar!"

"Martin, you are stupendously sloshed. Plentifully plastered. Totally tanked."

"You forgot delightfully drunk," Martin said, waving the mistletoe stand-in above their heads. "Miss-sell-toe!"

"There's nothing delightful about your state of inebriation. Been there, done that. And that is, at most, a _representation_ of mistletoe. "

"Well, I don't know how to give you a repro... representation of a kiss. I'll do my best though."

Douglas didn't have any time to wonder about what Martin was going to do.

Standing on tiptoe and leaning his hands on Douglas' shoulders to give himself leverage, Martin proceeded to give him a fairly accurate, 1:1 representation of a kiss. It would have been entirely against the spirit of Christmas (past, present or future) to push him away, Douglas reasoned. Martin's lips tasted of mulled wine - expensive, thousands of pounds worth of mulled wine - and his breath _didn't_  smell of expensive, possibly thousands of roubles worth of vodka.

"Now it's a proper Christmas!" Martin said, pulling away and winking at Douglas. "Oh, hey, look, it's Arthur! Arthur!"

"Skipper!"

They greeted as if they hadn't seen each other for months.

"Misseltow!" Martin said, waving Arthur's drawing at Arthur.

"Oh, Skip, you found my mistletoe!" Arthur exclaimed happily.

They leaned forward to kiss, and Arthur managed to peck Martin's ear, while Martin kissed Arthur's chin. It was apparently good enough for them, as they grabbed the mistletoe and advanced with it towards Carolyn.

"Don't even think about it!" Carolyn said sharply, before they could begin their ritual chant of "Missile toe."

"You can't institute thought police, Carolyn, no matter how much one would wish to control the thoughts of these two..."

"I can damn well try," she said, glaring menacingly at captain and steward.

They wore twin expressions of mischief now, probably thinking themselves a clever team of con men about to pull the greatest caper of the evening. Douglas could see the punchline from a mile, and quirked his lips in a mildly amused smile.

A few minutes later, the mistletoe drawing landed above his and Carolyn's heads, in the guise of a somewhat misshapen paper aeroplane.

Douglas retrieved it before Carolyn's glare could set it on fire, then bowed politely over her hand, kissing it with the affection and respect of a knight before his benevolent but harsh lady.

"Happy Christmas, Carolyn."

"Oh, fine. Happy Christmas, gentlemen."

She pecked Douglas on the cheek, and hugged Martin and Arthur.

" _Now_ it's Christmas properly, Skip!" Arthur whispered loudly in Martin's ear, and Martin giggled just as loudly in reply.


End file.
